Friday, October 26, 2007

Should I say I do?

As I was writing this, I was basking under the shy October sun, in front of OU old wing waiting for Alien and Queen to arrive from the ‘Do It’ island. The Raya month has sucked my energy away and robbed all my inspiration to write on meaningful stuffs (like I ever wrote a lot of them, lah! Hehe).

My concentration level is also suffering because of so much random thoughts floating inside my mind. I kept on wondering about what to cook this weekend, which open house I should attend first, how many I can afford to skip, what not to cook again (after some disastrous misadventures at the kitchen).

Oh I need to learn on how to compartmentalize my mind. Men are good at it while women need to master it slowly. Men are too good at compartmentalizing and categorizing their thoughts that they have problem remembering important dates, our relatives’ names and the color of the blouse we’re wearing today.

Go and ask any guy you know, if he had to pick his spouse up at the train station or a shopping complex, what would be his greatest concern? It’s definitely not about finding his way to the place; I’m sure the guy would know at least 5 alternative routes from Bukit Bintang to KL Central. Instead, the guy would be doing a virtual search in every corner of his brain for the last image of the spouse before she went out that day. He had to know the color and female attire he should be scanning for in the crowd in order to locate his spouse. This information is always stuck in men’s ‘less-important-thing-to-remember’ mind compartment.

To all ladies out there, the cloth you’re wearing is not something a man would really pay much attention to, so let’s not waste too much time in front of the mirror trying out 15 pairs of baju kebaya for a night out with him because he’d be more interested to enjoy your companionship.

It would be better to invest more time and money in polishing your culinary skills, learn how to tell dirty/sexy jokes, watch F1, follow football leagues’ matches or even start reading the sports section.

Appearance is important but these days many men appreciate character and sense of humour more.

Suddenly the Morning Topic at Light.Fm this morning came to mind. It's related to relationship and marriage. There is this genius professor in Washington who came up with a calculus equation that he claims is 94% accurate in determining the fate of your marriage. He also claims that he can use the mathematical method to estimate when a married couple will be divorced.

So, many people called the radio station voicing their disagreement to such test. Most of them insisted that when it comes to matters of the heart, one should follow the heart. Should you think that you’ve found ‘that’ someone, even if both of you decided to take the professor’s test and the result came out negative, that is you’re not compatible with each other, it doesn’t make sense for you to just drop any marriage plan and have a break-up.

Okay, before you read further, please follow this link to read about the test. (Otherwise, I’m sure you’ll be sending me hate mails after you finish reading my posting).

Remember the dialogue in ‘Wedding Crasher’? It’s the one between the father and the first daughter at the florist right before the wedding of the second daughter. The father told the first daughter that people can only make decision based on whatever information they have at present. We’ll never know what will happen in the future. There’s nobody or no tool available that can warn a couple that their relationship will be doomed in a few years’ time. In this movie, the father was advising the first daughter to just follow what her heart says. Hey, that’s exactly what I would tell my friends who are in a similar situation.

However, after reading about this professor’s test I started to think otherwise. During the phase where you’re only seeing the good things in your partner, the mind was subconsciously suppressing any small annoying things that later in the marriage life could be pricking you day and night. Usually big problems in marriages are caused by little things you hate in your partner or things that you failed to adapt to even after years of trying. Big things don’t happen all the time, but the little things can happen 24 times a day and they’re enough to break a relationship.

I’m no expert in this, but if you decided to take that test and the result come out negative, spend some more time with your partners to learn more about them and most importantly, learn more about yourselves. Women are usually worried about whether the men of their choices would love and commit 100% to them after marriage, but how many of us think the other way round? Will we be able to deliver as well?

I’m not against people who only follow their hearts. Marriage is about survival and a big gamble. It’s such a beautiful thing that I don’t think any of us should decide not to go through it at least once in our lives.

Okay, you can send me your hate mails now.


Da Winged Acrophobic said...

This is not a hate mail: Marriage is looked at differently by each individual. All marriages are beautiful at least in the beginning or in parts of the union. It's almost like an enterprise. Whether the stakeholders want to keep it an ongoing concern and how it shall be managed are all up to them. And it is never 100% predictable, simply because it involves human emotions.

UglyButAdorable said...

i'm not married yet, but I'm not keeping a close mind about it nor I'm like looking forward to it.... if there's someone out there for me, I pray to Allah tolead him to me as I'm sure freakin tired of finding one...hehehehee...

D.N.A.S said...

en wingy,
that's my point, all decisions are always clouded by emotions while the people close to us can clearly see where the relationship is heading.

if i start a matchmaking agency, you'll be my first customer. kekekeke. I have many friends who are also tired of finding the right one.

Nour said...

Hi Dnas,
I like this entry of yours..hahaha..something different. I agree sungguh dgn UBA, freakin tired of finding one..:D

BTW, I setuju kalau u set up a matchmaking agency..I volunteer jadi customer youla.

AphroditeKuzz said...

now...please dont forget to put me in your list ok?(on top la..kinda urgent u see...)
im not really tired la..cuma..cuma..cuma...time is running out yo ..(haha samala tu..)

D.N.A.S said...

okeys.... nanti I design the application form. Kekekeke.

wah, another potential customer. I believe the world is not running out of good guys. Kena 'gali' lebih sikit, dik.

east43street said...

I have a very tiny comment. For me marriage is just a friendship. You would share your secret to a friend, but you find it difficult to share your secret with your partner. If your partner is also your friend, then you will enjoy your marriage.

Azer Mantessa said...

what an entry :-)

rest assure this is not hate comment but knowledge sharing :-)

i dun believe that love is blind. ok ... love is blind only to those who dun see/fail to see/never bother to see (esp. thru the heart).

to know sumone's character esp. the one we might wanna share our lives wit is taught by prophet muhammad in very detail and it can take only 5 minutes to judge.

among lessons taught:

1. ask the neighbors (the prophet did say neighbors wud give unbiased opinion on sumone better).
2. read the hand of the person - this is very detail to explain.
3. read the face of the person - this is very detail to explain.
4. ask questions to that person like which do you prefer? a big house or a small house and why?
(of cos there are many other questions).

etc etc etc

i've been running own business for more than 10 years now and during interviews ... as an interviewer i applied what was taught by the prophet on sumone's character esp. the unseen ... so far ... so so okay.

my wife specialize on this subject after years of my persuasion ... she is now highly demanded in Human Capital thing and highly paid for it ... i mean ... highly paid.

so to me, love is not blind. it is just that people dun wanna see.

however, i can easily be fooled by the methodology ... ironically by politicians ... i have the feeling that they know the knowledge and know how to deal with it.

newayz, i dun judge bloggers ... not qualified for it ... not enuff info on the look, voice, tone, movement, speech, family background, ambition etc etc etc.

regarding compartmentalization mind thing :-) ...

my father memorize > 500 phone numbers in his mind so i guess this compartmentalization this depends on individuals rather gender.

ubay bin kaab for example was given the task to memorize surah 'lam ya kunil ladzi nakafaru ...' and ubay was mentioned directly by God for this task (his name is in the quran) ... so it shows memory compartmentalization depends on individuals.

ubay oso was one of the most structured sahabat of the prophet.

PS. those who can memorize the surah 'lam ya kuniladzi nakafaru ...' sure do have good memorization technique ... guaranteed ... and guess what ... it is gd to ask sumone to read this surah by heart ... the ability shows sum characters.

as an actuarist who studied logics and maths for 12 years ...i have to agree with the professor. i agree with his website.

mathematics too can calculate people characters (past, present and future). it used to be 100% accurate but prophet Isa prayed for this knowledge to be less accurate and God granted his pray.

wooo ... when comes to non-linear calculus ... i get so so so exited


D.N.A.S said...

for some unknown reasons, I don't share my inner secrets with anybody. I'm not capable of doing that. Hmmm.... that explained the failure of my previous relationships.

hey thanks for such an eye-opening explanation. I made a mental note to start memorizing the surah 'Lam yakunillazi'. Usually, when I felt my mind was getting rusty (either at calculating or memorizing things) I'd do some SPM mathematic questions from the newspaper. You just taught me a better way. Thanks again.

ardy said...

Such an enlightening post! I think matters of the heart is always complicated, because we are complicated creatures. Most of the times, the problem lies in not knowing what we really want in the first place. Being human, we are always greedy for a lot of nice and good things, and this ficklemindedness can sometimes lead to disasterous consequences.

Having said that, I think I'm ready for my next love adventure!

John F SeaDemon said...

Good posting DNAS.

My comment to this posting is as per my blog posting:

lilyliverbird said...

Character and sense of humour only work if it's attached to a hot body. sigh.

D.N.A.S said...

I'm glad you're all set for the next adventure. So, is it Bakawali or is it Bakawali? Hihihi.

I hope more couples read your entry. The ingredients for a happy marriage may not be the same for every couple but respect and trust are the foundation and pillars. Thank you for your wise words.

Lily (orang kampung koi!),
beauties are born but hot bodies are not. They can be built. Thanks to the gym, science and technology. Hee hee hee.
If I were a man, I'd still go for a girl's character and her kind heart.

Spena said...

DNAS,you know me and knew my ex. How difficult it was to go thru a failed relationship/marraige when you think that there is no issues at all. Well, there was no issue at all - things just happen within a blink of an eye!
After that, I told myself its going to be difficult to find a replacement and love another man. A man who will accept the REAL me.I guess I can just plan but its all written in THE book. Alhamdulillah,being honest paid after all, and without the intention of looking for a replacement , now I have Habibi in my life.