About 3 weeks ago I received a very sad new on the passing of an ex work colleague. She was with the company for just a few months but we reported to the same manager. Although we were not close, she sat just a few cubicles away from me and I was so used to seeing her in the office. She was the reserved type, didn't share much about her life outside office with us but didn't shut people totally. She was not doing many concurrent projects, so she's in the office most of the days.
Every morning, she'd usually arrive earlier than me. We exchanged silent Good Mornings followed by brief nods. I never went out for lunch with her even when most of the times there were only the 2 of us working on 9th floor. She usually went out right on the dot, 12.30 and came back before 1.30pm. She had her own lunch buddies, so I never really bothered to ask her to join me.
A few months ago, I heard that she has resigned. I noticed she's not in the office but I thought she was based at another project office. Later I learned from her Team Leader that she left for very personal reasons. She didn't even share it with her Team Leader. Didn't get the chance to say goodbye, but I was not that sad for I knew the IT industry in KL was so small. We'd surely bump into one another at events or training classes sooner or later.
When I read the email on her passing, I couldn't believe my eyes. She was involved in a car accident, but I didn't know who's driving and how the accident happened. The news really hit me hard as she didn't even leave us with a farewell email on her last day working for the company or called to say goodbye.
Two days after we received the sad news a few of my colleagues sat together in silence and shared happy moments we had with her, not much but enough for the session. Then one of our floormates made a stupid joke, 'Whoever stays back late after this, if you see her, say Hi, ok...'.
We didn't take that seriously but none of us stayed back ever since. Hehehe. Penakut.
Then a few nights ago, I dreamed of that session we had. We were sitting together at my cubicle, sharing stories and making fun of each other and SHE was there too. But she wasn't laughing or talking. She was just standing quietly among us but it seemed like she was enjoying the session. That was when I asked myself (well, in my dreams I still managed to question myself... apa lah....) 'What is she doing here? Isn't she dead?'
After that my phone alarm went off and I was awake. Drowsy, confused, a bit disoriented but I remembered the dream vividly.
Today I told another colleague that SHE came into my dreams and my colleague asked, 'Dia ada apa-apa pesanan tak?' Haha very funny...
So, I told her, 'Takde, she was just visiting...'
Then she told me something that I wished she never had, 'Kau tau tak ada orang bagitau aku sebenarnya dia bunuh diri?'
After that our bulu roma tiba-tiba terus meremang... seraaaaaaam....