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Tuesday, July 15, 2008

Cannot watch CSI NY, so I blog

My ASTRO decoder has gone out of order (although they rhyme, this is not a poem!) and I can’t watch CSI NY tonight. *Sigh*. Thank god I have a laptop and Streamyx at home. I’ve been spending my quality time browsing the pictures Spena uploaded to Facebook. The pictures are 17 years old, mostly taken during our final year in STF. 17 years ago and in the absence of 20kg of body weight, I almost couldn’t recognize my own face in the photos.

Can somebody tell me to start thanking god for whatever I have now before I started wanting to look younger and thinner? As a typical (read: normal) girl, I was not happy with my body back then. I always thought my legs were not slender enough, my hair was not smooth enough and my waistline was not small enough. Now, 17 years later when I look at those photos, I start to think why was I not happy to be looking like that? Living in that body? I know I was just being human but sometimes I just wish that there’s a magic mirror in the bedroom that will flash an image of what I’d become in 20 years’ time so that I will always celebrate whatever I am now.

I’ve been told by friends many times to just be happy and enjoy life. Stop worrying about things that are beyond my control (hello! Body weight and fitness level can be controlled, lah!) Anyway, they’re right. Whenever I think back of the things that kept me awake at night some 10 years ago, I just laugh at myself. They seemed so silly. Why was I worried sick about the shape of my thighs and spent a lot of my money buying slimming creams? If I spent that money at karaoke joints, life would have been much happier. If you’re curious, the slimming creams didn’t work; they left a temporary burning sensation and then became oily after 2 hours.

Better still, I should have spent the money to buy a swimming suit and hire an instructor 10 years ago. If I were to start swimming back then, I must have been able to lose the 20kg. Furthermore, there was an Olympic size swimming pool at the apartment I was staying. As Ah Beng’s saying goes, ‘Talk oso no use one…..’

It’s not really regret. It’s just one of those moments when you have so many ‘What-ifs’ in your head.

I haven’t really thought about this until recently when I started learning how to swim from my hubby and friends at the office. Remember my appointment with the gynae in early May? She asked me to lose about 4kg. After swimming twice a week for about a month, I have actually lost that 4kg! Oh man, this is much better than working out at the gym. I lost those kilos without even changing my eating pattern. If I did my Maths correctly, I could shed 24kg in a year. Wow! No wonder the ‘What-ifs’ are flooding my head.

Okay, now for some inspirational pictures. I am going to set my mind to focus on changing from this:



Back to this:




Having said that, I'm still thankful and grateful for what I have now; it's just that the voices in my head are playing a lot of tricks on me these days.

19 comments:

mummy Darin said...

wow kak dayang.. sungguh mengancam ler zaman memuda dulu.. skang pun mengacam jugak..he..he.. nak swimming jugaklah..

Lila Hadi said...

masih ku ingat zaman-zamn itu.... he he he....

wanshana said...

All the best!

As long as whatever changes you want to make are for yourself, and not because of, or for others, by all means - make and work for the change, sis!

Myself, attempting to shed those kilos so that I can fit comfortably into my kebayas which I wore back in 1998. That's as far as I can go (realistically, that is!). Nak go back to my weight masa zaman STF - MISSION IMPOSSIBLE maaaaa!

Spena said...

Yezzz! All the best Dayang. AKu baru habis 2nd swimming class pun kaki rasa nak tercabut dah. Glad I put up that old photos! hehehe

neomesuff said...

...boleh! boleh!...focus! and be happy about it ;-)

nachos said...

aku pun nak kurus jugak!!

john f seademon said...

I was a state swimmer, a cross country runner. I used to run marathons when I was in the Air Force.

Lari macam kuda was how they used to describe me.

Now more like lari macam babi.

adlina said...

alamak kak dayang.. mmg this entry i will tatap sepuas2nya... sbb skang tgh mission nk kurus la kan x tersangkot je berpuloh tahon...
*sedang membayangkan keranggian u bile kurus nnt* :D

Maya said...

i think you look more beautiful now. sirna keibuan begitu terserlah. dont worry too much. your health is more important.

Jade said...

look at the picture everyday! hehehe.. sure you can keep going!

D.N.A.S said...

musz,
jom pegi swim kat Presint 6 Putrajaya. Darin boleh main kat wading pool situ.

lalat,
itu zaman-zaman kita bedmate dulu tuuuu... hahahaha. Tension tak kena sakat masa Aprilfool? Hii hii...

Kak Shana,
impossible is nothing....!

Spena,
nanti kau akan rasa lemak-lemak kat peha ngan lengan kau tu disappear.

nomy,
i tengah focus ni... kekadang sampai tertido... haha.

D.N.A.S said...

nachos,
kau punya high protein diet aritu ON lagi ke tak?

SD,
wah! state swimmer tuuuuuu! Patutle terrer diving ...

AD,
bahaya tuuuu kalau ranggi-ranggi!

maya,
jaga kesihatan sambil jaga badan. kekekeke.

D.N.A.S said...

jade,
ni I nak tampal kat cubicle kat ofis ni.

all jazzed up said...

I dont think I can go on a diet la. Moving to JB.. how to diet.. nasi ambeng, nasi briani, tip top ikan bakar, murtabak larkin, kacang pool.... cry.

anyway, pandai jugak kau pose atas jambatan konkrit tu eh

raggedyanne said...

what are u talking about? you're gorgeous then, you're gorgeous now.

eh i have a pic taken 15 years ago similar like this!

D.N.A.S said...

JZ,
kau baru list the food aje aku dah lapar. I think I'd be travelling there a few times a months la kot.

raggedyanne,
thank you dear.
kembang jap bila ada orang puji I gorjes smorjes ni.... hehehehe. I guess this was THE POST back in the early nineties kot.

Zara in Germany said...

k.dayang..i used to diet until i got sick and kebas2 satu badan...but i managed to lose a lot of weight. skarang i nak lose dlm 6 kilo aje but dh tak sanggup ler diet mcm dulu tu...sgt torture...but malasla nak exercise hehehe

D.N.A.S said...

zara, setelah membaca yr comment, saya terus pegi ke jco donut dan beli 1/2 dozen. Takut nanti menggigil.

Sarclover said...

welll...nevr too late to start babe... iihihihi...