Cannot watch CSI NY, so I blog

My ASTRO decoder has gone out of order (although they rhyme, this is not a poem!) and I can’t watch CSI NY tonight. *Sigh*. Thank god I have a laptop and Streamyx at home. I’ve been spending my quality time browsing the pictures Spena uploaded to Facebook. The pictures are 17 years old, mostly taken during our final year in STF. 17 years ago and in the absence of 20kg of body weight, I almost couldn’t recognize my own face in the photos.

Can somebody tell me to start thanking god for whatever I have now before I started wanting to look younger and thinner? As a typical (read: normal) girl, I was not happy with my body back then. I always thought my legs were not slender enough, my hair was not smooth enough and my waistline was not small enough. Now, 17 years later when I look at those photos, I start to think why was I not happy to be looking like that? Living in that body? I know I was just being human but sometimes I just wish that there’s a magic mirror in the bedroom that will flash an image of what I’d become in 20 years’ time so that I will always celebrate whatever I am now.

I’ve been told by friends many times to just be happy and enjoy life. Stop worrying about things that are beyond my control (hello! Body weight and fitness level can be controlled, lah!) Anyway, they’re right. Whenever I think back of the things that kept me awake at night some 10 years ago, I just laugh at myself. They seemed so silly. Why was I worried sick about the shape of my thighs and spent a lot of my money buying slimming creams? If I spent that money at karaoke joints, life would have been much happier. If you’re curious, the slimming creams didn’t work; they left a temporary burning sensation and then became oily after 2 hours.

Better still, I should have spent the money to buy a swimming suit and hire an instructor 10 years ago. If I were to start swimming back then, I must have been able to lose the 20kg. Furthermore, there was an Olympic size swimming pool at the apartment I was staying. As Ah Beng’s saying goes, ‘Talk oso no use one…..’

It’s not really regret. It’s just one of those moments when you have so many ‘What-ifs’ in your head.

I haven’t really thought about this until recently when I started learning how to swim from my hubby and friends at the office. Remember my appointment with the gynae in early May? She asked me to lose about 4kg. After swimming twice a week for about a month, I have actually lost that 4kg! Oh man, this is much better than working out at the gym. I lost those kilos without even changing my eating pattern. If I did my Maths correctly, I could shed 24kg in a year. Wow! No wonder the ‘What-ifs’ are flooding my head.

Okay, now for some inspirational pictures. I am going to set my mind to focus on changing from this:

Back to this:

Having said that, I'm still thankful and grateful for what I have now; it's just that the voices in my head are playing a lot of tricks on me these days.