Kedai kopi di siar kaki?

Lebih kurang 4 tahun dahulu, aku pernah duduk menghirup Nescafe ais bersama-sama seorang teman yang gemarkan kopi-o keras di sebuah kafeteria sebuah pelabuhan. Temanku itu gemar juga menyedut asap tembakau sebatang demi sebatang hingga kadang-kadang 2 kotak sehari.
Pada suatu petang, setelah Nescafe dan kopi-o dipesan, kami duduk berbual tentang keanehan mimpi. Dia menceritakan mimpi-mimpi karut yang pernah menjengah tidurnya. Aku tiba-tiba tergerak hati untuk berkongsi sebuah mimpi yang tidak pernah aku ceritakan kepada sesiapa.
Beberapa tahun selepas kematian ayah, aku masih kerap termimpi-mimpikannya. Ada kalanya aku bermimpi melihat arwah beristirehat di rumah, ada kala aku ternampak arwah hanya berdiri memandang ke hadapan. Mimpi yang aku paling ingat, yang terasa seolah-olah seperti benar-benar berlaku ialah bila aku terserempak dengan arwah ayah di sebuah kedai kopi di tepi siar kaki. Aku tidak pasti sama ada itu di negara Perancis atau Itali. Tetapi, kelihatan arwah ayah sedang asyik membaca sebuah akbar berbahasa Inggeris sambil menikmati secawan kopi. Sebatang curut di celah gigi.
Paling aneh, di dalam setiap mimpi, arwah ayah tidak pernah memandang atau berbicara denganku. Di dalam mimpi-mimpiku arwah kelihatan masih berusia sekitar 40an, mengenakan kemeja kegemarannya, berseluar panjang dan bercapal. Sungguh sederhana.
Jadi berbalik kepada mimpi tadi, aku cuba mendekati arwah ayah dan menegurnya. Tapi sayang dia hanya berdiam diri dan terus khusyuk dengan pembacaan. Jadi aku hanya duduk memerhati. Bila akhbar sudah sampai ke penghujungnya dan kopi pahit habis diteguk semua, dia pun bangun meninggalkan meja. Aku menegur sekali lagi, tetapi dia tidak berpaling. Ya, aku menerima hakikat kami sudah tidak berada di dimensi yang sama.
Temanku, si penggemar rokok dan kopi-o keras itu menasihati agar jangan ambil hati. Itu semua hanya mainan rasa. Apa yang sering dirindukan deria rasa, lazimnya muncul dalam mimpi. Aku tak pasti kebenarannya.
Perbualan di petang berangin itu sudah 4 tahun berlalu. Aku hampir terlupa tentang mimpi yang satu itu. Sehingga pagi kelmarin, bila aku melayari Facebook dan terlihat sebuah gambar yang dimuat naik oleh temanku ini. Betul-betul seperti apa yang pernah menjengah aku dalam mimpi. Sebuah kedai kopi kecil di tepi siar kaki. Gambar dimuat naik dari Itali. Aku merenung gambar itu berkali-kali, dan aku terus jadi emo sepanjang hari.

A good news, another good one, followed by a confusion

Good news number 1: We are getting company bonus this year, hooray! The last time we got bonus was way back in 2006. It was officially announced last month, and we're getting it in May. The incentive we received earlier was not part of this bonus, so this year we're getting extra money in stages. Not bad, huh? (I am sooo getting iPad 2 when it comes to Malaysia, hehe).

Good news number 2: My blood test result was OK. Well, actually everything's OK except for the cholesterol part. Total cholesterol is quite high, near the borderline but when I compare with my 2008 report, it has actually reduced quite significantly. So did the bad cholesterol reading. However, the doctor is still quite worried about my cholesterol because I have family members who died because of heart problems. So, I will have to control my cholesterol level and try to lower it to half of the current reading because of the risk.

What's confusing me right now is after seeing the test result, the doctor still can't find the root cause of my high blood. Some of my friends have even higher cholesterol than me but they don't have high BP problems. So, again the doctor reminded me to not worry too much. 

Ok, have I been worrying too much? I can't think of a single thing that made me worry too much. I have stopped worrying since a few years ago. I decided to just go with the flow. I especially don't worry about things anymore. If it's meant to be mine, it will be. If it's meant to be lost, it will be. If things are destined to be broken, they will be. 

I've also stopped worrying about people. If they're nice, and they're my friends, then I'm lucky. If they're mean, they better don't be friends with me. 

Not only those, I've stopped worrying about my work and money. If there's work, I'd do it. If they give me money, then syukur Alhamdulillah. If there's no additional money, just be thankful I still have a job. 

So, why in the world am I having hypertension?

Perhaps it's about time to let go or ignore more things.

From high BP to brain drain issue

In 2008 I was having high BP and cholesterol problem. I did blood test, then the doctor prescribed medicines to lower my cholesterol level. When I got pregnant in Dec 2008, my blood pressure returned to normal unexpectedly which the doctor found it quite unusual. Most women my age would have higher BP during pregnancy but my in my case it was the opposite.

I was very happy as my BP remained within the normal range throughout 2009 and 2010. However, two months ago it went up again. I went to see the doctor when I had one of my gastric attacks and she made a remark that I was already at Stage 1 of hypertension.

I was unhappy mainly because I’ve been cautious with what I ate and regularly exercised. The only thing I don’t have luxury to do is getting enough sleep because Zarif still wakes up a few times at night, sometimes for feeding and most of the times he’s uncomfortable because of the heat.

We can’t put the air conditioning on high because of his asthma problems and we definitely won’t turn the ceiling fan on at night. So, he would usually wake up at least twice at night and since I’m not the type that can easily go back to dreamland, I end up getting about 4 – 5 hours of sleep only, which is so not healthy.

Work pressure could be the other factor. I have to deal with similar depressing things now as in mid 2008. The problems and the people are so similar that it felt like Déjà vu. Well, even when the doctor lectured me also felt like Déjà vu.

Sometimes I wish I could tell people to treat others better so that the number of hypertension cases in the IT industry will be less. Frankly speaking, doing IT is not a difficult job. What make things difficult and bad is always the people. Some are just too ignorant and proud to let engineers like us to negotiate on effort and timeline. Some are just plain stupid to even understand what’s going on.

The country is facing brain drain because most workers don’t go through proper skills development programs. So, the claims made about our best workers have gone to migrate to work and live in more developed countries are not completely true. After so many years of moaning and sulking over those professionals who became specialists in foreign land, it’s about time to look inwards and invest more in the resources we have in the country.

I’m not a teacher and was never involved in the local education scene but the first thing I’d do to ensure we have quality workers is to raise the bar for SPM grading. When A only stands for Average, we’ll only produce Average professionals in their respective fields. When people tell me about their nephews or nieces getting 12 or 13 As for SPM, I seriously don’t know how to react. If we’ve been having 20- 40% of the students getting straight As for SPM, then why are we still having this brain drain issues?

We all know the answer. The students aced their SPM papers because of spot questions that can be obtained so easily and memorizing past years’ exam answers. This is not only happening to SPM students, the trend continues in universities as well. Even lab results, assignments and tutorial answers can simply be copied from seniors.

So, how are we going to be an innovative nation when everything is being copied over and over again?

Good news and bad news

The good news is I've received my 2010 incentives as well as increment. Not 10 months bonus like some lucky people get, but enough to settle most of my credit card debt. Hehe.

The bad news, two people I know from work were diagnosed with cancer last week. I was shocked to learn about the first guy and was even more shocked when a friend told me about the other.

It's a nasty disease, I know..... but none of us have any idea on how to prevent it. In most of the cases I've read about, it's not easy to detect as it will go unnoticed for years.

My schoolmate, Yus was telling us about her tumor during our reunion two weekends ago. She went for her annual medical check-up and Doctor found the tumor. She was not experiencing any pain or discomfort on her chest area but after the check-up, Doctor confirmed it's a tumor and it was already 10cm in diameter when it's discovered. She had to undergo a major operation followed by 30 sessions of radiotherapy and was lucky enough because the tumor was not cancerous.

What else can we do besides going for annual medical check-up?
Don't smoke
Stay away from smokers
Eat healthily - choose quality food
Exercise regularly
Monitor stress level
Stay away from people who can give you unnecessary stress
Learn to relax and breathe
.... and many more, I guess.

So, in 2011 for those who have not decided on any resolution (like me) then perhaps this should be it. Living healthier and happier. And continue on searching for the purpose of life.

My last day of cuti and my aching back

Huwarrghhh !!! Esok keje!

Didn't managed to write about my raya stories in the previous entry as I suffered a terrible backache since 2 days ago. I don't remember exactly how it started but I've been having stiff neck and left arms for a few days. Since Zarif was sick, he had high fever and he only wanted me to carry him. So, I have been carrying him around the house day and night. Even when we went back to kampung, he was stuck with me, in my arms. He can be very demanding when he's not feeling well.

So, after more than 4 days of carrying him around (he's about 11kg now), my body started to complain. The stiff neck and left arm lasted for 2 days. When Zarif started to show a lot of improvement (the kudis was gone and no more fever) we decided to spend one late afternoon playing football and his brothers cycled in front of the house. I was kicking the ball against the wall when suddenly a shot of pain on my back stopped me from moving.  A few seconds later, I felt ok. So, I pushed Zarif's stroller for a 200 meter walk before I started jogging. I was also racing with Wazif and Shawqi until it was almost Maghrib.

After taking a quick shower, I tried to reach for my towel when another sharp pain almost made me scream in the toilet. I couldn't stand up straight after that. It took me a few minutes just to towel myself and get out of the bathroom. I tried sitting on the edge of my bed, but the pain worsened. Then I decided to walk slowly towards my wardrobe, took out my clothes and also the back support I was wearing when I was pregnant last year. I managed to stand up straight and walked after putting on the back support .

I went to prepare dinner and had a few guests that night. I could walk around the house, did the usual chores but I couldn't lift Zarif. I couldn't even bend over to pick up things lying on the floor.

After the guests left, I decided to lie down and straightened my body. That night I slept with the back support on. For the next two days I couldn't bend over or sit for a long time, or walk normally. I didn't dare to carry Zarif. He was seeking for my attention (as usual) but I had to ask his brothers to play with him and Mr Hubby to take care of him.

This afternoon I went to see the doctor and she inspected my back. She pressed on a few points, the left side of my butt hurt the most, I gasped when she found the spot. Later she confirmed it's caused by tensed muscle. When I told her about carrying Zarif, the stiff neck and left arm she told me she'd prescribe me with some muscle relieving medicines.

After the long chit chat with the Doctor, I left her room, collected my meds and paid at the counter. Just when I was about to reach home I remembered that I FORGOT TO ASK FOR MC for tomorrow. Yikes, I'll have to go to office and walk like Robocop tomorrow!!!! Haiyyaaaa!!!

DNAS's birthday 2010

I'm 25 if you're to ask me how old I am this July. ;) I don't see the need to grow old (mentally). There have been physical changes, no one can deny that as they're part of the process, but we don't have to grow old. I believe we all should get more mature as the number changes each year. But, being mature has got nothing to do with age, right? You can be 67, yet immature or be 20 but mature enough to handle 8 children at home/run your own business. 

Maturity and wisdom can't be acquired just by having bigger number of one's age. There's continuous learning involved as well as willingness to build your strength out of criticisms. 

I was reading Personal Money (June 2010) last night, (yes... bought in early June, only managed to read it last night...) There was a discussion on Retirement. When would you like to retire? How much do you think your retirement would cost? Do you have to change your lifestyle once you retire? It was a wake up call to me when I read that most of us (insyaallah, kalau umur panjang) would be spending about 20% of our lives being a retiree. I did a simple calculation and thought, 'perhaps there's no need for me to retire'.

There's also another article I read simply entitled 'Making your career encore', where a few people were interviewed on their decision to start a new career when they're nearing their retirement age. Well, they are the living proofs that we should continue doing what we love, regardless how old we are. 

It would be interesting if I decided to become a kindergarten teacher when I turn 50. Or even better if some producer offers me to become an actress; those watak makcik-makcik need to be filled jugak, kan? Don't think the audience would enjoy watching an 18 years old chic playing a 55 years old makcik's role - even with the most sophisticated make-up and CGI technology being applied. Hehehe...

Whatever it is, I think each of us - professionals especially ... should consider to continue serving the religion, country and society even past our retirement age. Come to think of it I couldn't visualize myself idly sitting at home, tending to the garden, reading newspapers, watching boring ASTRO programs (I don't think CSI will interest me when I'm 60) and repeating these things day in and day out - for the rest of the 20% of my entire life. Hmphhh.... tak sesuai.... tak sesuai.... If Allah grant me health and long life, I know I'd be doing more things than just staying at home - doing nothing. 

Here's a couple of pics taken during my birthday do at Nandos on 5th July. On 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th, 10th and 11th pun bakal ada birthday do lagi..... insyaallah... Hahahahaha...Wah, my calendar is full. I don't want to grow old, but I like having birthdays. Who doesn't....;)

I looked at this picture and visualize myself in Rio De Janeiro on my 40th birthday, watching World Cup matches, live! It's only 4 years away - must start saving money for it. 

Okaylah, the reality: I'm 36 this year and not even close to becoming a millionaire. My bank balance is sangat menyedihkan and I have 3 children to care for. I'm learning to make a straight face always for this year I'm handling software support and my customers are sometimes very emotional so I have to stay composed... (walaupun selalu sakit jiwa!) Not getting increment this year, so I'm now praying days and night that we'll be receiving very good incentives after the 1st half of 2010 is concluded.

Other than that, everything is good and looking forward to becoming a more matured and wise woman. Cheers!

Solved or not?

I want to make a complaint. I take LDP highway on daily basis, at least twice a day. On the way to work in the morning, I have to brave the bottleneck before Sunway toll. Since I always take the exit to KESAS, I don't have to endure the before and after the toll gate congestion. In the evening, I have to take LDP again when I head towards the gym at IOI Mall.

It usually took me about 25 minutes from Subang Jaya to IOI Mall. If I set out at 5.05pm, I can join the GX classes at 5.45pm. The classes end at 6.30pm. Just the right timing for me. It's difficult for me to attend the 6.30pm classes as they end after Maghrib. So, I have been going to the 5.45 GX classes happily for the past 3 years.

Recently, a contra flow lane was opened to ease the evening congestion for vehicles heading towards Putrajaya and Pusat Bandar Puchong. The newspapers reported that based on 'some' survey it has solved the traffic congestion problem and it took only 5 minutes from Sunway Toll to Pusat Bandar Puchong.

Well, the truth is traffic after the Sunway Toll looks a bit smooth now but as we drive further there's still massive congestion in front of Pusat Bandar Puchong. I have to take this road to reach IOI Mall. That's not the worst news. The nearest u-turn is also closed when the contra flow lane is opened in the evening. This means I can only take the third u-turn (at Bandar Puteri) if I want to go to IOI Mall.

These days, at an average it took me about 45 minutes to travel from Subang Jaya to IOI Mall because the traffic condition after the u-turn has gone from bad to worse. I could only start working out at around 6pm and didn't get to join the GX classes at 5.45pm anymore. This is really bad. If don't have many commitment at home I can always join the 6pm classes but now I have to be happy with a max of 45 minutes working out on my own - which is quite boring. The sad thing is I've only been to the gym twice for the past 2 weeks. This is really really bad.

So, my point is having that contra flow lane in the evening might have solved some people's problems but it certainly doesn't make me any happier. Ini sudah makin menyusahkan hidup makcik.

And that new FF gym at Empire Gallery, bila nak bukak daaaaa?

My middle name is 'emo'

I didn't have a good start to 2010 as bad news kept flowing in since middle of December 2009. There was a structural change at work and I'm not really happy about it. Although I'm leading a smaller unit but Software Support comes under my wing this year, and that's definitely not a good news. Customer service/support is just not my forte. I never excelled in delivering it and suffice to say, I'd rather clean Malaysian public toilets than doing software support.

For some people, customer support/service runs in their blood but in my case I've had a few very bad experiences when I first started working about 12 years ago that I've been avoiding this area ever since.

Imagine this: You just graduated from University. You got a job with a company that was busy delivering a mega project. You are assigned to that project to provide Application/Software Support.Well, that's not the worst part yet. The new Malaysian international airport operation depends on those software. You were not trained for any of the software product. The rest of the project team members (the skilled ones) were all still busy chasing deadlines. In other words you're left alone, in an unknown territory and was instructed to fight dragons!

I survived there for 11 months. It was great suffering no money could buy. We were paid rather handsomely with all the additional shift allowances, mileage claims etc but I was damn miserable. The first few months I had to support POS users (not POS Malaysia lah.... P0int of Sales). The users at the retail outlet mostly were either dumb blondes or insane bitches. They just shouted at us mercilessly and treated us like morons. Many of them can be considered application illiterate (helloooo.... dumb blondes... what do you expect. If they could count from 1 to 20, you're lucky....) Some didn't even know how to punch in their sales. These dumb women, in a few occasions even called us names like 'budak bangang', 'bodoh' and a few others which I chose not to remember. There was a time when I attended to one of the problems and was turned away by a mean looking lady in extremely high heels (another blonde who didn't look so dumb). When I arrived at her outlet she simply shooed me with her hands and said, ' I don't want you, send another person here.'

The few incidents really brought my morale down. A few friends told me that in a few years' time I'd just remember those difficult moments and laugh about them but I just couldn't. I'd never want to relive those few months. If possible I want to just erase that chapter from my memory and my life. Those bitter episodes didn't teach me much but hurt a lot.

The rest of that year I was assigned to another department in KLIA but was still doing software support for products I never knew existed. The skilled engineers, upon handover to support team were all called back to HQ to do other projects. So, only us, the fresh faces were left doing operation, maintenance and support at the airport's 16 degree celcius data center. It was another difficult chapter but luckily nobody called us 'budak bangang' there as we only had to interact with IT engineers from other departments. Thank god, none of them were dumb or blonde.

So, when I got to know about the new unit I have to handle this year, it was all coming back to me. These few days were like Deja Vu. No matter how much I hate customer support, now I have to relive those KLIA days. Hopefully this time it's not as bad as 12 years ago. Well, I try not to put high hopes as the past 2 weeks have been hell. The pressure is mounting and I'm coping badly. That's why I'm damn emo. So, avoid me if you can.

Cerita pasal makan.... and diet.

I was having lunch with the subcontractors – all of them were Chinese males, today at Cyberjaya when one of them started talking about slimming pills. I was like, ‘Hellooooo, why are you guys discussing slimming pills? I thought only girls are into this thing?’ They went from the brands to the side effects to the people whom they know had allergies because of it.

I didn’t participate much because I was in awe listening to guys discussing about getting slimmer. The irony was we were having a really heavy lunch, loaded with carbs, protein, fat and sugar (Ipoh white coffee is rather sweet, isn’t it?)

Another reason why I decided not to participate in their intellectual discussion was because I was the one with the highest BMI at the table. The Chinese guys were all skinny but I guess all of them have really high metabolic rate (by looking at how they cleaned up their plates).

One of the skinny Chinese guys shared with us on the fastest way to get slimmer. It was from his experience. Not too long ago, he was down with fever and left alone in the house by his parents for 2 weeks. Being sick, weak, tired (and I guess he didn’t even have a clue on how to cook), he survived on bread and baked beans for the entire 2 weeks. When the parents were back, they were so surprised to see him looking gaunt as if all liquid has been sucked out of his body. He lost a total of 10 kg.

Everyone at the table was going ‘Aaaaaaaah’ and then all of them turned to look at me. Macam siot sungguh. I know, they meant to recommend me that deadly crash diet, but before any of them spoke, with my mouth full I told them,

‘Sorry, that won’t ever happen to me. I have a car and Giant is so near to my house.’

That’s when they decided to change the subject. Hehehehe.

Sila jangan cerita pasal diet bila makan dengan saya, okeh?

Year end realisation

I was once a bitter woman. A huge personal problem changed me into one. I became a person that I think was not myself for a few years. Whenever I looked in the mirror, I saw a miserable face staring back at me. I neglected myself, my health, my friends and people who used to care about me. Whenever I felt so bitter, I ate, ate and ate. If I was not eating, I’d bitch.

I hate to look at the pictures of me taken during all those years. Unhappiness was clearly written all over me. I started to really hate myself as well. At times I chose to live in my illusions, I blocked the reality. My mind just wondered with no purpose and destination. I imagined myself as another person, living other people’s life and wondered if I could steal some of their happiness. Although I was never at the verge of committing suicide, I couldn’t stop thinking of how meaningless my life had become. After every prayer, I’d put my hands together and ask for some help from Allah. I just couldn’t stand hating myself any longer.

Then, two things changed me.

First, I started this blog. I have no idea what blogging was all about back then. All I knew was that I could write something and get it published for free on the web. I promoted this blog to my close friends. The earlier stuffs I put up here were a mixed of everything and nothing. I wrote about my imaginations, my imaginary friends, anecdotes and mostly stupid jokes. I was blogging anonymously back then. After a few entries, I was comfortable enough to use it as a medium to share my thoughts and real life stories.

A few months after that I decided not to become anonymous anymore. That was when I deleted 10 months’ of blog entries and started anew. By then, I was less bitter and a lot happier. The things you all put in the comment box helped a lot without you realizing it. I really appreciate it. To all the silent readers, I know you are out there following my stories and development. It felt great to bump into an old friend at the market and she asked me about some of the latest things I was working on. It never occured to me that people who used to be in the different chapters of my life would still care to know what I was doing and up to.

Second, a friend appeared out of nowhere, found my switch and turned it back to my normal happy mode. He has the right people skill to make me wanting to live my life to the fullest again. Face the facts, face life. Forget all the bitterness and ironies as a mortal. Live the present. Smell the roses. Lick clean all the ice creams. He knows the right formula on how to bring out the best in people. He insisted I call him a friend although I didn’t know him at all. He offered advises I never asked for. Most importantly he reminded me of my values and what I’m worth. Although we share nothing in common, I somehow appreciate his efforts to turn me into a woman who respect and love herself, not doing things or living for others, but herself. He also made me realize about reward, redemption and 'khilaf' and relate those to the things that happen in my life.

I am what I am today because of blogging and this friend. Today I realized God send His help and show us the light in many unexpected ways. Don’t stop praying, for God will choose the best time to grant us the things we ask from Him.

I so wanna puke

I so wanna puke when I have to listen to somebody giving instructions at the speed of an F1 car. Hellooooo! I had to digest the charts you’re showing me and at the same time you expect me to absorb your words that came to my ears like machine-gun shots? I’m no superhuman with out-of-this-world superpowers; don’t give me that ‘You are slow.’ look if I couldn’t keep up. Hmmph… I just hate to work with ‘some’ women.

Okay, ignore my PMS.

The blogland and my FB are rather less meriah than usual today. Has everybody gone back to kampong? That explains the offline mode. I’ll be taking a total of 4 days of annual leave; plus the weekends and public holidays, I’ll be away from the office for 10 days. Yippeeeee! I’m dispensable, I can take long leave. Yippeeeee again!

If I make myself redundant, I can take even longer leaves. Then the management wouldn’t know what to do with me and that will lead to 2 possibilities. They’ll either have to promote me or fire me. The first possibility sounds good. But, if I opt for bigger challenges and excel, then I’ll be recognized. If I’m recognized, I’m bound to have more responsibilities. By then, I don’t think I can get long Raya leave like this. Hmmmmm…. Oh sh*t, life is full of dilemma.

Oh yeah, I had a phone interview this morning with an MNC. The post was something I’ve been hunting for lately, but too bad it is contract based. I had to say no. The interview ended right after the interviewer told me the post is not permanent. The good news is, now I know how to say NO. Yippeee!

Yesterday, we had a buka puasa beramai-ramai with my ex-colleagues from Excebix. (Jade, u tak datang tak dapat kitorang nak nengok kereta baru yang shining2 tuh…) The venue was Tropicana Golf Club House. Wah, so many people. During the first round of helpings, I couldn’t see where the food was. I missed most of my favorite dishes.

Even at 8.30pm, the place was still swamped with people. That was the second time I entered Tropicana Resort and I was impressed with the big houses in there. Iye, orang Malaysia memang kaya-kaya. Waz1f asked, ‘Mak nanti belilah rumah macam ni.’ Insyaallah…. If I ever become a multimillionaire or some oil tycoon decided to make me his adopted daughter. Ha ha ha. To all oil tycoons out there, I’m available for adoption! Or, you can always include me in your will. Even if it’s only 5% of your assets, I don’t mind… (God, is my PMS turning me into some materialistic bimbo?)

Talking about bimbo, I have a confession to make. I get along very well with bimbos. I don’t understand why some women despise them. They’re really easygoing, would laugh at all my silly jokes. I can always share my stupid stories with them. Even if I’m not making jokes, they’d still giggle after every sentence. The best thing is, they’re always spontaneous as they didn’t waste much time doing the thinking part. To all bimbos out there, you girls rawwwwwk! (Bila you all dah kaya-raya, you belanja I, ok?)

The young hearts

Farewell Antonio Puerta. It was an untimely death. Your family, friends and fans are mourning. Although failures of young hearts are quite common in sports such as football, many still don't quite understand how is that possible? Are sportsmen taking designer drugs? Tongkat ali overdosed? Trainings that are too streanous? Insufficient rest? Chronic depression?

The internet news and the papers list many other similar cases of footballers who collapsed and died on the field (some made it to the hospitals, and died there). Some died during training sessions. I hope there are no such case of reserved players collapsing while warming the benches.

As I write this, I couldn't help to think about my late friend, Azeman who died at the young age of 26 on the football field. They said, he had cardiac arrest too.

It was back in 1999, he was going out with my then housemate, Rossa. We happened to work in the same company and the late Azeman was also my senior in uni. I must admit that he was one of the cutest engineers ever graced Excebix office. Many single female staffs noticed and admired him and Rossa was the lucky girl to made it to his heart.

They were planning on getting married as the late Azeman was setting aside some money to buy a car and other necessities as preparation to settle down with Rossa. He was from Sarawak, so the family members were there and at the time of his death, he hadn't visited them for many months.

I could still recall my last meeting with the late Azeman. I was preparing my documents for an oversea trip when I bumped into him at the stairs. It was about a month after the big Turkey earthquake, and I happened to be in Istanbul when it happened. When he saw me with the travel papers, he asked,

'Kau taknak mintak maaf dengan aku ke? Manalah tau, kau kena earthquake lagi ke.... Terus tak balik dah ke....' and he laughed himself silly. Realizing all the possibilities and how fragile life is, I answered,

'Eh, betul tu.... betul..... aku mintak maaf banyak-banyak dengan kau Man. Tolonglah halalkan apa-apa yang termakan terminum selama ni. Kalau aku ada hutang dengan kau, kira burn ajelah, ok? Doakan aku sekali, tau!' he just noded and still laughed. His last words to me were,

'Dayang, jalan baik-baik woi! Eh, terbang baik-baik!'

That very night, I flew to Istanbul with another colleague. When we went to the office the next business day, we were greeted with the saddest email I ever received in my whole life, the sudden departure of my colleague and friend, Azeman.

I couldn't cry, I didn't know what to feel then. I was just numb. I remember calling another close friend, Jacqie who was still very traumatized when she heard my voice. We spoke for about 10 minutes, with trembling voices and her sobbing uncontrollably. That was when I learned how the late Azeman collapsed during a friendly football match.

He was immediately driven to the nearest clinic but was rejected because of his critical condition. When they finally arrived at the nearest hospital, it was too late to save him. Since the family members were in Sarawak, nobody could object to the post-mortem which the hospital had to perform. That was when I shed my tears. I just couldn't imagine my friend being opened up, his organs being pulled out and then stitched back. A friend whom we used to have good laughs and fights with was no longer there, and the thoughts of whatever remained of him being cut and sliced, just broke my heart.

My colleagues told me that the cause of death was cardiac arrest. Some of us noticed that the late Azeman was having some health problems but he never shared with anybody on his condition, not even Rossa. She even tried contacting the clinic he frequently visit to get some ideas on what has been going on, but the doctors refused to reveal anything. Until today, his true illness remains unknown to us.

It has been 8 years now, but whenever I hear news of people dying on football fields, my heart bleeds all over again.

Rest in peace Antonio Puerta. Rest in peace Azeman, Al Fatihah.

I love you, I love you not.

First of all, let me start with Alhamdulillah….. got myself a new Notebook as replacement for the one stolen early last month. The brand name is different, although many claimed it’s using the same technology. The appearance is much better than the old one (like comparing Ashwarya Rai with Din Beramboi). The capacity is bigger: processor, RAM, disk space. It has wide screen with very clear, high resolution display. The speaker is louder, I can turn a server room into an entertainment center.




But I don’t really like it. I can’t really explain why, I just don’t.

This situation is exactly like a man who just got himself a new girlfriend (after the old girlfriend died/ran away/kidnapped etc). The new girl is pretty, has curves at the right places, get along well with your friends, ‘manja’ and all. Yet you still feel that something important is missing.

Maybe it’s just a tiny habit that the old girlfriend used to have. Is it the way she drove? Or is it the way she combed her messy hair with her fingers in the elevator (after waking up terribly late and have meeting at 8 a.m)? Or is it the ways she tried to hide her burp/fart in public places? Nah, you just couldn’t figure out what. You just know you’re missing something.

Then, whenever you’re alone with the new girl friend, you don’t feel complete. You might enjoy listening to her stories about almost breaking 2 fingernails after trying to clean her brand new microwave oven or about the new receptionist in her office whom she claims looks exactly like Ugly Betty. You might also even love the chicken curry/seafood tom yam/ chocolate moist cake she prepared for you, but after each bite you keep on telling yourself, ‘if only this is spicier/saltier/sweeter, it will be perfect’.

Having written all these, suddenly I feel like I don’t really hate my new Notebook that much. It’s just that THE DAMN BLUETOOTH IS NOT WORKING! I couldn’t find the right driver for it. So, for the past 3 days I can’t upload the pictures I have in my phone. To make things worse, the USB cable for my phone was in the old laptop bag that was stolen last month. Hmmmmph. Life without broadband, Bluetooth, USB cable and Starbucks Coffee IS INCOMPLETE.

Hmm… I think the author of The World Is Flat will categorize me as the victim of Globalization 3.0. Hihihi.


Updated 14th August 2007

Hey, if you need new handbags (who doesn't?), wallets, purses, briefcases, cardholders, go shop at great discounted prices this weekend. If you've never used this brand before, it's the best time to start.(Isy, pepandai buat iklan....) Retail therapy time!!

Happy happy Friday

I saw a sudden surge on my blog's page hit this morning and realized, oh maybe people are expecting to see some pictures and stories from last night's event: the 3S Dinner. Well, I didn't go. So sorry you all.... Kita mampu merancang, hanya tuhan menentukan... hehehe.
Anyway, I'm sure everybody who went had a great and unforgettable time. I dropped by at PICC at about 6pm yesterday to say hi to a few friends who were busy with preparation there and i have to admit that the venue was a really good choice: for such a grand celebration.
When I was about to leave the hall, I approached the registration counter and saw 2 of my seniors packing the goodie bags. They smiled and one of them said, 'You Dayang kan? Programme book nya mana sayang? Tak sampai-sampai lagi ni? Kita dah abih pack dah goodie bag ni tapi takde programme book nak letak sekali.' I was in a panic, because I thought everything was going on smoothly. Then I frantically started calling a few people from the comittee. Thank god the thousands of programme books were already somewhere in PICC and taken care of. Phew!
But then, why lah.... every time dinner sure ada banyak benda last minute punya. Ingatkan kat high school dulu je study last minute (macam la kat Uni tak study last minute). Hehehehe. Tapi, kalau smooth sailing sangat, tak thrill pulak, kan?

For some pics and videos, go to Spena's blog.
Check out Mimin's surreal experiences at 3S dinner, too!

Definitely emo state.

I don’t really ‘layan’ misery. Misery comes, misery goes. Life still goes on. I don’t cry over spilled or spoiled milk too. I’d go and buy a new carton.
I don’t ‘layan’ depressing questions from relatives too. If I were still single, and relatives kept on asking why, they’ll surely get shrugged shoulders from me. I’ve been getting depressing questions and accusations lately. I decided to just keep quiet. No comment. Not sure. Ntah. Just not in the mood to provide specific answers. Can I just live my life the way I want it to be? Can I just be myself, and not following examples? Examples are not necessarily correct, you know.


Tension? Mandiiiiiii....



Tension lagi? Mandiiiiii.....


Lipstick baruuuuuuu.....


Powder pun baruuuuuuu......

Updated on 17th July (Hari ni Alien punya birthday. Happy besday!!!)

Better still, I went to buy a whole new set of make-up because the brengseks also took my make-up pouch that I happened to keep in that laptop bag.

The old set was Maybeline. Bengang punya pasal, I upgraded my make-up and skincare to Estee Lauder. Bila Makcik bengang, Makcik suka buat benda pelik-pelik ni. So, Mr. Hubby bakal menjadi pelik jugak bila melihat Credit Card statement Makcik bulan ni.... hahahaha. Anyway, I pay for my own card usage. So, Mr. Hubby mungkin akan terkujat sebentar dan memberikan sepatah dua kata kepada Makcik supaya mengamalkan perbelanjaan berhemah.

I was less emo yesterday when my Financial Advisor (chewah, Fazlina... you are officially my Financial Advisor le...) called to inform about my Unit Trust performance. Thank god it's making good returns. I decided to do some switching to Islamic Bond. Okay, I'm making a mental note to do some research about Islamic Bonds this afternoon before I go and sign those papers with Fazlina. Hehehe. Yeah, that's me. I decide, then I research. Whatever la.

Bensi, tau!

- I nak pegi Yoga tapi my hingus sangat banyak.
- I nak makan durian lagi tapi temperature sudah sangat tinggi
- I nak tengok Transformers, tapi nak kena simpan quota tengok wayang this quarter for Harry Potter.
- I nak beli kasut baru, tapi tak larat nak pegi shopping
- I nak makan gulai lemak ketam kat Makcik Ketam, tapi jauh le pulak
- Besok my besday, tapi I demam selesema (konpem cannot sing karaoke!)
- Nak pinjam DVD Heroes tak dapat-dapat lagi
- Dah 2 minggu tak sempat tengok CSI NY
- Ada orang kecik ati kita panggil dia emo.
- Nak kena balik kampung lagi tapi poket & wallet sudah 'koyak'
- Ada calar panjang kat pintu keta kita
- Ada orang tu bagi kita cold shoulder
- Ada orang tu dia taknak cakap ngan kita
- Ada orang tu (orang lain pulak ni) tak balas-balas email kita
- Ada orang tu (yang ni pun orang lain) dah lama gila tak call kita.

Bensi, tau!

Updated on 5th July 2007, 5.15p.m:

Mrs. A, Mrs. M and Mr. S belanja me at Pizza Hut during lunch. Got a free Birthday Pizza, too! Pizza Hut is so affordable, you can eat more! Since semua orang pocket tengah koyak, Pizza Hut sangatlah sesuai.


Makcik and Mrs. A posing sambil tunggu pizza datang. Sapa nak cari model untuk iklan ubat gigi boleh contact kitorang. Iklan tudung and jubah pun boleh jugak!

Mrs. M and Mr. S not in picture becoz diorang tak suka glamer. kekekeke.

Updated on 6th July 2007: 11.10 a.m

The celebration continued at TGIF last night - Mr. Hubby's treat. Actually a few relatives came to the house to visit my FIL (who is now left alone in Malaysia because my MIL has flown to UK). Being very 'obedient' anak-menantu, we suka hati excused ourselves right after they arrived because Waz1f and Shawq1 had been chorusing 'Hari ni besday Mak. Nak makan kek! Nak makan kek!' ever since I fetched them from day-care.

Oh, my kids remember dates very well now. It's very difficult to kelentong them, especially when they now memorise things like 'Transformers kat wayang 28 June!'


Shawq1: Where's my choc mud pie?


Waz1f: Yeay.... kita makan choc mud pie dulu...